23/04/2017
Quiero rememorar mi primer escrito público: una reflexión sobre mi vida que nació en una de esas noches en las que nuestra voz interior reclama atención urgente. En aquel momento, no quedó más remedio que cerrar los ojos y abrir la mente a mi propia realidad.
PD: Han pasado cerca de cinco años desde entonces, y aún sigo cargando con varias de las incógnitas que allí describí.
Y ¿Hoy qué?
Hoy, como cada día desde hace un tiempo, me hice al despertar la misma pregunta: ¿Y hoy qué?
Quizá sea una cuestión común en alguien como yo, sin muchos planes en la agenda (por no decir ninguno). El tiempo me sobra, y parece que lo deshago en actividades poco productivas para un futuro que no termino de vislumbrar con claridad. Me paso horas frente al computador o deambulando por las calles con algún viejo amigo. Mientras tanto, veo a otros de mi edad —los más productivos, mis mejores amigos de la infancia y del colegio— haciendo carreras universitarias, trabajando y disfrutando de esos pequeños lujos que yo también quisiera alcanzar.
Sin embargo, hay algo que siempre hago, incluso mientras pierdo el tiempo frente al PC o camino con ese amigo: pensar. Pienso sin cesar. Mi mente no para, salvo quizá cuando duermo (aunque mis sueños me demuestran lo contrario). Reflexiono sobre todo lo que me rodea, sobre quién soy y quién no, sobre qué necesito encontrar en la vida para seguir construyendo mi camino. Y, en el fondo, tengo claro que solo yo, basándome en mis ideales, podré definirlo.
También sé que las personas que me rodean, sean amigos, enemigos, conocidos o completos extraños, son fundamentales para moldear mi personalidad. Hay quienes me aconsejan y me muestran con su ejemplo valores esenciales, y otros cuyas actitudes generan en mí malestar e inconformidad. A veces pienso que esas personas solo viven para impresionar y llamar la atención, aunque reconozco que juzgar apariencias puede ser injusto. Cada quien tiene derecho a ser como quiera.
Siempre he creído que no debo pretender ser importante para los demás, sino hacerlos sentir importantes para mí. Todas estas personas son como espejos, mostrándome lo que debo y no debo adoptar en mi vida.
Reconozco que a veces no tengo claro en qué faceta de mi personalidad me siento más cómodo. Pero sé que necesito experimentar para descubrirlo. También sé que me gusta la compañía, conversar y compartir el tiempo, porque el tiempo, aunque intangible, es valioso. Cuando lo compartimos, lo hacemos de corazón.
He tenido momentos en los que hice sonreír a personas tristes, pero también he causado tristeza a quienes estaban alegres. Esas situaciones me llenan de remordimiento.
Así es la vida, mi vida. Y, al final, lo más importante es que pueda sonreír conmigo mismo. Sentir la satisfacción de que todos estos pensamientos que ocupan mis días —pensamientos que surgen de mis alegrías y tristezas, que a veces comparto y en ocasiones se convierten en realidad— me han traído hasta aquí, a este momento.
Jueves 15 de noviembre de 2012.
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